Coping with Memory Loss

Ryan J Harris
5 min readFeb 5, 2021

A half of you is gone…. with short tempered people all around…which cause frustration within you

Let’s keep this short, memory and all, recalling a past of being able to recall every aspect of event now fading thanks to head injury. I will start with people and end with how I am coping.

People, who are outside of the person suffering with memory loss, are on the outside of the inner workings of a “new person”. The outsiders are quick to be short tempered people who find themselves normal and expect the same out of persons they’ve known, if they knew them before the head injury, to be the same as they knew them or some version of a functioning person that will have limited foul ups, if they just now meeting them. Their short temperedness really make it difficult for the person with memory loss. They are very not understanding and quick to denounce the person with memory loss as being smart or wise to achieve goals they’ve set.

I’ve had people make decisions for me without my consent; when I had more money they found me correct but without they find me nothing but wrong and don’t care to listen nor consider my condition so they find it they should for me without even involving me. I’ve had people retroactively over talk me or treat me as if I am dumb, which is not true with all the military accomplishment I’ve obtained. Family has been the worse and their normal is forced on me, which stresses and pressures me to move further away from trusting them or caring about them. The stress they give cause for more struggling to recall anything that took place. I’ve had family and others attack me physically. I’ve found that in their eyes everything I do or say is not correct even if I have evidence it is working for me or is an absolute fact when dealing with me. I attempt to garner and hold on to relationship by being a bit more forth coming as to my condition and its thrown back in my face or used against me. Time to cope is long and with everyone outside of me their time dealing with me wanes fast.

How do I cope with outsiders and memory loss? I find having things done by me takes time, a long time, to set up a routine that aids in my remembering of things. As long as I have time and my world is small it becomes easier to cope with so I make a measure to study longer and collect information more so to prove myself right or not making a mistake to those who I’ve known in my past. Most of those relationships are falling apart or have passed. I have to record almost everything in order to keep up with tasks and concentration is very difficult when so many things are in place to take care of self and others expectations of you while they aren’t taking into consideration you are a lot less of who you once were. I also find that since my employment opportunities are almost none existent, to tell you the truth I’ve entered in over 300+ resumes, not fully sure at the moment how many but I am sure I got it documented somewhere to prove I’ve tried for those who want to determine I am not. Many of those job “opportunities” have fallen through after those employer have found or asked about my issues with this disability; I say to self “good luck proving discrimination” so I don’t even try to take it to court.

My coping for my lack was to still be able to have an active income which meant that I would have to work for self since almost every job is none existent for me or maybe even many like me. I went from working for US government and while serving got a head injury while deployed to now back in the state a honorable discharged so called “hero” veteran that none want to hire and family wants gone. Its become my norm since 2015 of getting out of the service. Without that scheduled routine all aspects of my disability shined through to cause many short falls and long fall to homelessness.

Still homeless and now working for self. My analyst side still knows how to research yet concentration is down but that just requires more time to gather and organize, I am my own boss, although homeless, I can give myself the time with all of the stress making it really hard to. I found that if I am given time I can cope and make those goals I’ve set with no rush work is possible but stress really screws that up where I become overwhelmed and wish I could die. How I cope with the now depression with memory loss, when I get to this point of wanting life to end, I find a distraction is a must when these thoughts come in. As for work as a distraction taping into my analytical side is the better option. I chose for self employment, where none wanted to hire me, in stock market picks. I figured its a great option since I was familiar with it before the head injury so I thought “I hope I can still do it” but in all truths I had and still have no choice but to do if I want to continue.

To my surprise my training kicked in and I felt like my old self for a bit but my surrounding are a quick reminder that my investment in living is small, meaning there’s not much to live for. Almost anything that negates stability just destroys every aspect of seeing goals meet for people like me. I am now 34 years old and pressures are still coming at me from outside sources. I think its best I separate myself from people, which is one of the major sources of stress and depression, to concentrate on a smaller world with other stressers I have to make my norm in order to see the rest of my days on earth actually mean something to me. I see it as I’ve gain more faults so now deal with it because none really care. That is how I cope with memory loss and its not the best but its all I’ve got to hang on to because no matter how small the investment is some say I should aim to see the next day, I hope they right. Coping.